Wanko-Net Portal

That Dog In Me (and More!)

Hi again!! This might end up more as a smaller blog post than others, if only because of the fact that it is so singularly focused, but I feel like it's been a significant enough revelation that I should mention it!

In the past, and especially now in the present, I have always felt different. Some of that has been more easily explainable, like with AuDHD. However, I've also noticed, especially of late, my innate feelings of not fully being or wanting to be 100% human. Whether that mean jokingly referring to myself as a dog, creature, insect, etc., wanting to have the ability to express myself with ears and tail, resonating so well with 'dog-coded' characters, and even my dive into furry and kemonomimi communities, all felt like they were an internal expression that had been there all along but not realized. With that said, I am happy to say that I've fully understood myself as a therian ΔΘ (more specifically a dog therian!).

With this revelation, I had a few questions about myself, as well as a few answers for things that I had otherwise assumed as 'normal' quirks for someone as misaligned with society as myself. For one thing, it explained my feeling of not fully being a 'human' in the sense of not feeling completely normal or comfortable exhibiting strictly human traits or behaviors. I've long called it something akin to 'dog-girl energy' or being a dog-girl, without fully realizing what that entails. It goes beyond aesthetic and ventures more into the specific and eccentric. While I still believe it to be 'dog-girl' energy, I also believe that it is simply too much too often for it to be anything other than a more therian presentation.

With that said, I poured over countless reddit threads and forums detailing the 'therian experience' to see if it was appicable. To my surprise, the only 'requirements" for being a therian were more subjective and personal, alongside feeling the deep emotional connection to the species/kin that you identify with. And with that, I felt that it made all the more sense.

All that said though, My Imposter's Syndrome makes me, at times, feel not 'truly' a part of something. Whether that be being therian, disabled, trans, an artist, or anything else, I am fairly consistently plagued with the idea that I do not meet a certain 'qualification' necessary to be understood and accepted as a group. I have improved slowly on this however, by reminding myself that many people have this exact thought about themselves, despite being people that I would associate as being definite parts of the groups. As I continue to understand myself, I have forgiven myself for these feelings and try to ignore them as best as possible as I go through my day.

I've also continued being with likeminded souls on the internet, and have found lovely communities of fellow furries, queers, and therians/otherkin to interact with more and equally feel more connected and accepted as these groups. It has really helped at times with my self confidence and the feeling of being isolated in regards to being queer in a largely not-so-queer area, and has helped me be more unapologetically myself! I've been more active in my FFXIV fellowship as well, which is where a predominant amount of my fellow queer, furry, and therian acquaintances are located. It's big enough to feel like a community, but small enough to have personal interactions with everyone. I'm desperately climbing through the expansions to get caught up to the current content (especially after the newest expac announcement!).

I'm also, in a continued effort to be both more myself and more ambitious, looking to learn rollerblading in the coming future. I really like the idea of being able to just cruise places on a set of inlines and just vibe to music on a boring off day from work where I don't do anything else but be inside. Being inside has it's perks, coming from a sorta introvert like myself, but I really do appreciate a good outing from time to time. It also helps improve my overall mood, and reduces the risk of task paralysis and anxiety spirals for me. On top of that, it also gives me a bit of exercise and fitness that I don't have to 'think' about. I like exercising and think it is a great thing for my overall mood, but I have trouble keeping a dedicated schedule or routine. It's not particularly 'fun', even if it does improve my mood later, and on top of that it's something still inside. The idea is to be the best of both worlds by being a 'fun' way to exercise and keep active, while also moving it from inside to outside. I'm also a sucker for Cardcaptor Sakura, and thinking of it like that makes it even more cool to me!

But yeah, that's what I've largely been up to right now. A smaller update for sure, but the content feels a lot more impactful and this revelation about myself being a therian has opened my eyes (if only a little since I was kinda halfway into the door already!). I feel that much truer to myself, and understood by similar like-minded peers. So yeah, that's it for now! Peace!